[Mass Effect] revelation (hasn't hit yet)
Feb. 1st, 2022 11:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
anaisonfireTitle: revelation (hasn't hit yet) (1558 words)
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Mass Effect Trilogy
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Kaidan Alenko/Male Shepard
Characters: Kaidan Alenko, Male Shepard (Mass Effect), Garrus Vakarian, Liara T'Soni, Karin Chakwas
Additional Tags: Mass Effect 3, Pining, (it's mutual really but this is mostly about kaidan)
Summary:
“Ow, Liara, watch it.”
“Sorry, Shepard.”
Kaidan watches, concern mounting as they stumble out of the elevator, Garrus following in their wake. Neither he nor Liara look particularly worse for wear, but Shepard’s armor is covered in dust and scratches all over. He can’t see any blood which is something, at least.
*
Kaidan pines and contemplates, and comes to a decision.
Written for![[tumblr.com profile]](https://www.tumblr.com/favicon.ico)
masseffectholidaycheer.
“Ow, Liara, watch it.”
“Sorry, Shepard.”
Kaidan watches, concern mounting as they stumble out of the elevator, Garrus following in their wake. Neither he nor Liara look particularly worse for wear, but Shepard’s armor is covered in dust and scratches all over. He can’t see any blood which is something, at least.
Kaidan… may be lurking. He can admit it to himself. Not for any nefarious purposes or anything like that, but just out of concern. Now that he’s on the Normandy again, all those pesky feelings he’s been neatly (and less neatly, but we’re not talking about that) avoiding for the past three years have returned with a vengeance. Letting Shepard go when he knows there will be fighting is uncomfortable, and rather unfortunate - they are fighting a war. Bad time to be unreasonably protective, but there he is. Lurking. Hoping to alleviate the feeling that something terrible will happen the moment he’s not out there watching Shepard’s back.
“What happened?”
“Shepard decided to wrestle a Brute.” Garrus is the one to tell him, not quite managing the casual tone, lingering behind while Liara and Shepard move toward the medbay without stopping.
“What?”
“Didn’t go too nicely, obviously. Got thrown through a wall and into another. Shot down the bastard, of course, but Liara didn’t want to let Shepard walk back on his own just in case.”
“Smart.” Kaidan’s throat feels parched all of a sudden. Knowing rationally that battle is unpredictable and that there isn’t a force in the galaxy capable of stopping Shepard from throwing himself into the thick of it doesn’t stop the way his heart beats you should’ve been there.
Garrus makes an agreeing sound and… doesn’t continue.
“Something else?” he asks him, when he doesn’t move away to either the medbay or the battery.
Instead of answering, Garrus just looks at him for a moment longer. Kaidan wonders if this is what their enemies feel like in the moment before Garrus pulls the trigger.
“So… not that it’s any of my business. But will you two talk anytime soon or are you just going to keep pining away like a Fleet and Flotilla character?”
“I’m not-” he starts to defend himself, but Garrus cuts him off with a look.
Which, well. Kaidan supposes loitering around the elevator isn’t very inconspicuous.
Garrus seems to take his silence as confirmation of something. He shakes his head in either despair or exasperation, which is both insulting and an oddly human gesture to see from a turian. Before Kaidan can attempt - something, an explanation or the sort, Liara comes back.
Both their gazes snap to her.
“He’s fine, just heavily bruised,” she reassures. Kaidan feels his shoulders lose some of their tension and he sees Garrus’ mandibles flicker. “Doctor Chakwas just wants him to stay for monitoring since there’s nothing pressing happening.”
Kaidan can’t stop a snort at that. “Did she tell him that or is she waiting until she’s got a tranq ready?”
It used to be a common joke among the crew back on the SR-1 that if the Commander was awake, he was not in the medbay. Based on what he’s seen in the past weeks, not only has that not changed, Shepard’s actually gotten worse. (Although Kaidan doesn’t know what exactly happened while he was in Cerberus' hands, he doubts their hospitality is something to write home about. He doesn’t want to think about it, those two years, but the idea’s taken root in his mind and won’t let go.)
Instead of laughing along, Liara and Garrus share a look. Alarms go off in his mind. That never spells anything good.
He’s proven right when Liara says, faux-casual, “No, but maybe you should go stay with him for a while.”
Kaida opens his mouth - to say what, he doesn’t know. But this feels like their friends (and how odd, that after everything they are friends still) are meddling. She beats him to the punch though.
“You know how Shepard gets when he’s stuck in the medbay. Someone should stay with him so he doesn’t try to leave, at least for a bit.” Liara looks at him with her most earnest expression.
And well, when she puts it like that… He sighs. (He may be weak.)
“Okay, fine. You’ve made your point.”
Garrus attempts to affect an insulted expression, but mostly succeeds in looking smug at Kaidan’s easy capitulation.
“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean, Kaidan.” Liara’s poker face is better, but not by much. Apparently the Shadow Broker persona doesn’t extend to this. Kaidan just rolls his eyes at them.
Under their far-too-eager gazes he makes his way over to the medbay. He can see Chakwas moving about and she too spots him.
“Ah, Major. What can I do for you?” she asks, giving him a practiced one over when he steps inside.
“Don’t worry, I’m not here for me.” Kaidan tips his head to the only occupied bed.
“Ahhh,” Chakwas nods in amused understanding. “Got Commander-sitting duty, then?”
“You know,” Shepard raises his voice, though his eyes remain closed where he lies, “I can hear you.”
“Glad to know there’s no hearing damage, sir,” he replies evenly.
Shepard just snorts at him, but doesn’t continue the banter. That makes Kaidan frown in concern - is he really that tired? He looks to the doctor and tries to convey his inquiry for information without actually letting Shepard hear it. Chakwas just smiles in that unique way of hers which tells him absolutely nothing.
Instead, she says, “Your timing is excellent, as I need to leave for a moment. I shall leave the Commander in your capable hands.”
Hm. More meddling, or genuine coincidence? Chakwas’ poker face really is the best.
“I’m not even injured, isn’t this a little over the top for some bruising?” Even as he says it though Shepard sounds resigned to being stuck for the time being.
Chakwas doesn’t even turn from her desk to look at him when she says, “I’m not worried about the bruising, Commander. You need to take a break.” It has the feeling of something she’s repeated many times.
“I don’t have the luxury of a break while the Reapers are out there.”
Kaidan’s heart twists at both the sentiment and the edge of exhaustion he can just about make out behind it.
“Shepard,” he interrupts the rehearsed exchange. Even though he wasn’t moving, Shepard goes absolutely still in that way when he’s actively listening.
“You‘re not doing anyone any favors if you burn out. We’re in this for the long haul, so… pacing is important.” Kaidan knows his voice falters at the end, but what is there to say? He can’t confidently claim they’ll win. And it’s not like he doesn’t know where Shepard’s coming from.
“Well put,” Chakwas says. “And now, gentlemen, I shall leave you to your own devices.” She finishes fixing her desk and strengthens up. “Commander, please do try to get some sleep. Major.” She nods at them both and leaves.
Kaidan watches her go and thinks, this is definitely a conspiracy. Well, they’ll be disappointed then. He’s not about to have a conversation about feelings where anyone can interrupt them.
It’s just the two of them in the medbay now.
Kaidan gingerly sits on Chakwas’ vacated desk chair. And then doesn’t say anything.
Shepard is the one to break the quiet, one eye opening to look at him.
“You’re really just going to sit there and watch me try to sleep?”
“I can look at the wall, if it bothers you,” he offers.
Shepard huffs. “It doesn’t. Just- you don’t have better things to do? I already said I’ll stay.”
No place I’d rather be.
What Kaidan actually says, only mildly strangled, is “It’s not a problem, Shepard. Go to sleep already.”
“Alright, alright.” He closes his eye and relaxes.
They lapse into a comfortable silence.
The minutes pass, Kaidan lost in vague thoughts and contemplations.
A small movement draws his attention back to Shepard, who’s shifting to be more comfortable in his sleep. Kaidan feels his lips turn up in a small smile. He really must’ve been tired then.
And yet, as he looks at him, Kaidan can’t help but notice - Shepard is still tense, even while asleep. It’s only to be expected, given the stress of everything, but the sight still breaks his heart. Shepard should get to rest without having to consider if there will be any wider repercussions.
His thoughts coalesce and clear up.
The thing is, he doesn’t - he can’t - regret making that choice on Horizon. Put in the same situation he would likely do so again and damn the feeling that he’s walking away from a part of his soul, but. But.
Kaidan still desperately wishes he could now smooth away the tension in Shepard’s face, present even when he’s sleeping. He wishes he could’ve been there when Shepard woke up alive, when he first saw those angry red scars split his face open, when he faced down the Collector base and the Reapers on Tuchanka, and a thousand different things.
He can’t though.
He breathes in deep, the sound loud in the stillness.
Kaidan makes his decision. He’ll talk to Shepard, next chance they get relative privacy.
It’s impossible to change the past, but the future - it is before them.
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Mass Effect Trilogy
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Kaidan Alenko/Male Shepard
Characters: Kaidan Alenko, Male Shepard (Mass Effect), Garrus Vakarian, Liara T'Soni, Karin Chakwas
Additional Tags: Mass Effect 3, Pining, (it's mutual really but this is mostly about kaidan)
Summary:
“Ow, Liara, watch it.”
“Sorry, Shepard.”
Kaidan watches, concern mounting as they stumble out of the elevator, Garrus following in their wake. Neither he nor Liara look particularly worse for wear, but Shepard’s armor is covered in dust and scratches all over. He can’t see any blood which is something, at least.
*
Kaidan pines and contemplates, and comes to a decision.
Written for
“Ow, Liara, watch it.”
“Sorry, Shepard.”
Kaidan watches, concern mounting as they stumble out of the elevator, Garrus following in their wake. Neither he nor Liara look particularly worse for wear, but Shepard’s armor is covered in dust and scratches all over. He can’t see any blood which is something, at least.
Kaidan… may be lurking. He can admit it to himself. Not for any nefarious purposes or anything like that, but just out of concern. Now that he’s on the Normandy again, all those pesky feelings he’s been neatly (and less neatly, but we’re not talking about that) avoiding for the past three years have returned with a vengeance. Letting Shepard go when he knows there will be fighting is uncomfortable, and rather unfortunate - they are fighting a war. Bad time to be unreasonably protective, but there he is. Lurking. Hoping to alleviate the feeling that something terrible will happen the moment he’s not out there watching Shepard’s back.
“What happened?”
“Shepard decided to wrestle a Brute.” Garrus is the one to tell him, not quite managing the casual tone, lingering behind while Liara and Shepard move toward the medbay without stopping.
“What?”
“Didn’t go too nicely, obviously. Got thrown through a wall and into another. Shot down the bastard, of course, but Liara didn’t want to let Shepard walk back on his own just in case.”
“Smart.” Kaidan’s throat feels parched all of a sudden. Knowing rationally that battle is unpredictable and that there isn’t a force in the galaxy capable of stopping Shepard from throwing himself into the thick of it doesn’t stop the way his heart beats you should’ve been there.
Garrus makes an agreeing sound and… doesn’t continue.
“Something else?” he asks him, when he doesn’t move away to either the medbay or the battery.
Instead of answering, Garrus just looks at him for a moment longer. Kaidan wonders if this is what their enemies feel like in the moment before Garrus pulls the trigger.
“So… not that it’s any of my business. But will you two talk anytime soon or are you just going to keep pining away like a Fleet and Flotilla character?”
“I’m not-” he starts to defend himself, but Garrus cuts him off with a look.
Which, well. Kaidan supposes loitering around the elevator isn’t very inconspicuous.
Garrus seems to take his silence as confirmation of something. He shakes his head in either despair or exasperation, which is both insulting and an oddly human gesture to see from a turian. Before Kaidan can attempt - something, an explanation or the sort, Liara comes back.
Both their gazes snap to her.
“He’s fine, just heavily bruised,” she reassures. Kaidan feels his shoulders lose some of their tension and he sees Garrus’ mandibles flicker. “Doctor Chakwas just wants him to stay for monitoring since there’s nothing pressing happening.”
Kaidan can’t stop a snort at that. “Did she tell him that or is she waiting until she’s got a tranq ready?”
It used to be a common joke among the crew back on the SR-1 that if the Commander was awake, he was not in the medbay. Based on what he’s seen in the past weeks, not only has that not changed, Shepard’s actually gotten worse. (Although Kaidan doesn’t know what exactly happened while he was in Cerberus' hands, he doubts their hospitality is something to write home about. He doesn’t want to think about it, those two years, but the idea’s taken root in his mind and won’t let go.)
Instead of laughing along, Liara and Garrus share a look. Alarms go off in his mind. That never spells anything good.
He’s proven right when Liara says, faux-casual, “No, but maybe you should go stay with him for a while.”
Kaida opens his mouth - to say what, he doesn’t know. But this feels like their friends (and how odd, that after everything they are friends still) are meddling. She beats him to the punch though.
“You know how Shepard gets when he’s stuck in the medbay. Someone should stay with him so he doesn’t try to leave, at least for a bit.” Liara looks at him with her most earnest expression.
And well, when she puts it like that… He sighs. (He may be weak.)
“Okay, fine. You’ve made your point.”
Garrus attempts to affect an insulted expression, but mostly succeeds in looking smug at Kaidan’s easy capitulation.
“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean, Kaidan.” Liara’s poker face is better, but not by much. Apparently the Shadow Broker persona doesn’t extend to this. Kaidan just rolls his eyes at them.
Under their far-too-eager gazes he makes his way over to the medbay. He can see Chakwas moving about and she too spots him.
“Ah, Major. What can I do for you?” she asks, giving him a practiced one over when he steps inside.
“Don’t worry, I’m not here for me.” Kaidan tips his head to the only occupied bed.
“Ahhh,” Chakwas nods in amused understanding. “Got Commander-sitting duty, then?”
“You know,” Shepard raises his voice, though his eyes remain closed where he lies, “I can hear you.”
“Glad to know there’s no hearing damage, sir,” he replies evenly.
Shepard just snorts at him, but doesn’t continue the banter. That makes Kaidan frown in concern - is he really that tired? He looks to the doctor and tries to convey his inquiry for information without actually letting Shepard hear it. Chakwas just smiles in that unique way of hers which tells him absolutely nothing.
Instead, she says, “Your timing is excellent, as I need to leave for a moment. I shall leave the Commander in your capable hands.”
Hm. More meddling, or genuine coincidence? Chakwas’ poker face really is the best.
“I’m not even injured, isn’t this a little over the top for some bruising?” Even as he says it though Shepard sounds resigned to being stuck for the time being.
Chakwas doesn’t even turn from her desk to look at him when she says, “I’m not worried about the bruising, Commander. You need to take a break.” It has the feeling of something she’s repeated many times.
“I don’t have the luxury of a break while the Reapers are out there.”
Kaidan’s heart twists at both the sentiment and the edge of exhaustion he can just about make out behind it.
“Shepard,” he interrupts the rehearsed exchange. Even though he wasn’t moving, Shepard goes absolutely still in that way when he’s actively listening.
“You‘re not doing anyone any favors if you burn out. We’re in this for the long haul, so… pacing is important.” Kaidan knows his voice falters at the end, but what is there to say? He can’t confidently claim they’ll win. And it’s not like he doesn’t know where Shepard’s coming from.
“Well put,” Chakwas says. “And now, gentlemen, I shall leave you to your own devices.” She finishes fixing her desk and strengthens up. “Commander, please do try to get some sleep. Major.” She nods at them both and leaves.
Kaidan watches her go and thinks, this is definitely a conspiracy. Well, they’ll be disappointed then. He’s not about to have a conversation about feelings where anyone can interrupt them.
It’s just the two of them in the medbay now.
Kaidan gingerly sits on Chakwas’ vacated desk chair. And then doesn’t say anything.
Shepard is the one to break the quiet, one eye opening to look at him.
“You’re really just going to sit there and watch me try to sleep?”
“I can look at the wall, if it bothers you,” he offers.
Shepard huffs. “It doesn’t. Just- you don’t have better things to do? I already said I’ll stay.”
No place I’d rather be.
What Kaidan actually says, only mildly strangled, is “It’s not a problem, Shepard. Go to sleep already.”
“Alright, alright.” He closes his eye and relaxes.
They lapse into a comfortable silence.
The minutes pass, Kaidan lost in vague thoughts and contemplations.
A small movement draws his attention back to Shepard, who’s shifting to be more comfortable in his sleep. Kaidan feels his lips turn up in a small smile. He really must’ve been tired then.
And yet, as he looks at him, Kaidan can’t help but notice - Shepard is still tense, even while asleep. It’s only to be expected, given the stress of everything, but the sight still breaks his heart. Shepard should get to rest without having to consider if there will be any wider repercussions.
His thoughts coalesce and clear up.
The thing is, he doesn’t - he can’t - regret making that choice on Horizon. Put in the same situation he would likely do so again and damn the feeling that he’s walking away from a part of his soul, but. But.
Kaidan still desperately wishes he could now smooth away the tension in Shepard’s face, present even when he’s sleeping. He wishes he could’ve been there when Shepard woke up alive, when he first saw those angry red scars split his face open, when he faced down the Collector base and the Reapers on Tuchanka, and a thousand different things.
He can’t though.
He breathes in deep, the sound loud in the stillness.
Kaidan makes his decision. He’ll talk to Shepard, next chance they get relative privacy.
It’s impossible to change the past, but the future - it is before them.
